A MOURNING

[Photo Source: Google internet images]

(8 June 2012 – There are no Rules for Grief, no Timeline for Mourning, and no Rules of Etiquette for Bereavement.  My own Mourning began in 1962 and leaves its brush strokes of Grief on the canvas that is my Heart.  dht)

 

The images in my head are of memories – liken to distant dreams – that sadden my Heart, mute my voice, and dampen my cheeks.

Soft voices murmur whispers of remembered times spent with those loved – yet lost in the Past.

Those precious few memories reside now in the cemetery of my Heart. 

My Life's Journey has become a Story of woe and sorrow.

Each Day is a wake – a funeral – celebrating the hallowed Past. 

The Present offers only numbness and regret – A Mourning of those loved and lost.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

JUST DOWN THE ROAD OF LIFE

(I wrote this today, 1 Sep 2011, thinking about how the seemingly
IMPORTANT things and events in my Life, were but a faded memory
that only came to Call when a song, sound, smell, or visual brought
it to the Fore.)

*** JUST DOWN THE ROAD OF LIFE ***

"As I Travel farther Down the Road of Life, the view in the rear view
mirror takes on a different perspective.   What seemed a major event
at the Time, now seems but a 'bump in the road'!   I am what I am
Today, because of all the 'bumps' that challenged my Mind, Heart,
and Patience!"

{SPECIAL NOTE: Be careful what you ask for or pray for,
because if you PRAY for patience, in my experience you may
most definitely get more 'trials' and 'bumps' to weather,
to Test your Patience (and thereby give you more Practice).
Practice makes perfect - Practice makes Patience.
(AND, more Practice means you will get better at what
you strive for or pray for!!!) } !!! [dht-2011]



[Photo Source: National Geographic online images - Bodie, CA]

[Location Info for Bodie, CA, you can use this link
http://www.google.com/ to do an internet search for Bodie, CA ]

BY WHAT NAME -- TRUTH

*** BY WHAT NAME -- TRUTH ***

(On 30 Aug 2011 — Just thinking about the many perceptions that exist within my logic and Heart; then thinking about the many perceptions of others through Time and the Ages. What is absolute for one in a Time, can be known by a different name by another. "Truth" is but a myth transported by Time and borne on the 'wings' of Eternity.)  
[dht-2011]  


Truth — is as old as God —
His Twin identity
And will endure as long as He
A Co-Eternity —

And perish on the Day
Himself is borne away
From Mansion of the Universe
A lifeless Deity.
[~Emily Elizabeth Dickinson, #836]

"Yet, Truth and God exist on a different 'Plane',
Whence Time and Nature portent."
[~ dht-2011, DNA Cousin of Emily Elizabeth Dickinson]

(SPECIAL NOTE:  Emily Elizabeth Dickinson is my DNA Maternal Cousin)

FOOTPRINTS ON MY HEART

(I wrote this, 21 Aug 2011, thinking how the treasures of my memories anchor me in the present, while at times impeding my Day's Journey. Living in the shadows of my past, haunting Dreams of Love, family, home, and passion, flee, leaving only their FOOTPRINTS ON MY HEART.)

*** FOOTPRINTS ON MY HEART ***

Thoughts adrift on Evening's Chill,
Senses teased by memories old.

Each breath increases awareness of environs,
Suggestive of a different path,
Echoes of Future's beckon.

Yet bonds of yesterday hold ransom,
Hampering fleeing memories.

Pains and fears awash the mind,
Whispers of the past surface,
Beneath the shifting sands of Time's Journey.

Abiding sadness permeates Day's Path,
Regrets a constant companion
[dht-2011]

[PHOTO SOURCE: Cousin L. J. Scott, edited]

WHERE DREAMERS WALK

(I wrote this, 10 Aug 2011, thinking of remembered days gone by and yet to come, where the DREAMS and hope of youth were full of sinew and vigor, enough to withstand the frailty of today, if I hold THEM close.)


*** WHERE DREAMERS WALK ***

 In the dark mist of night, my DREAMS are alive,
where sweet Promises of Love and Romance thrive.

 As a welcome visitor, I walk pathways of lore,
where once Life's Promises held treasures galore.

In the light of day, my DREAMS survive,
where day's bitter struggles threaten, yet revive.

 As Tomorrow draws near, I hold dear to my heart,
where once wistful reflections, delayed my start.

In the nostalgia of days bygone, my DREAMS mourn,
where hope's bounty deep, so spent on morn'.

As ever faith in Future's turn, I yearn for that missed,
where museful pondering, render potential's remiss.
[dht-2011]
 

[PHOTO SOURCE:  GOOGLE online images]

After the Storm – Come the Tears

(I wrote this, 10 Aug 2011, thinking of the many losses in our life—Loss of youth, health, money, safety, privilege, prestige, respect, honors, LOVE, spouses, children, and family -- as a special tribute to those in my circle who feel their loss so keenly.)


*** AFTER THE STORM – COME THE TEARS ***

The poetical world is as a lyrical preface to Life's SCRIPT,
where light illuminates the STAGE,
with a jewel-like iridescence,
flickering over the richly embroidered PLAY.

A sadness imbues the atmosphere
with a sense of time and space,
whispering of generations past and lost
and PREVIEWS of generations to come.

The PLAY rages in a tempest at Life's Zenith,
as the Storms of Life forge a Path,
leaving behind loss of Love and Hearth in their wake.

As of a sudden, the Storm passes
and the Tears fall as gentle rain upon the SET.
After the Storm – come the tears.

[dht-2011]

[PHOTO SOURCE: GOOGLE online images]

WHERE ONLY SHADOWS DANCE

(I wrote this, 13 Jul 2011, in a gray frame of mind, all too frequently occurring.  The "good times" in my life so far removed and their memory fading, seemed to go by too quickly.  Only now as I re-play those favorites,  do I feel I was not prepared to savor the precious few bright and clear moments. With misty eyes and wet checks, I try to recall happier times, despairing at the barriers that the 'bad times" cloud with melancholy.  SPECIAL NOTE --  My own writing offerings, I call " The Unrhyme Prose Poem Style". It is often serious, whimsical, thoughtful, fanciful, full of shadows and light, and of course Nature (birdies, flowers, and such). 

"Which of us, in his ambitious moments, has not dreamed of the miracle of a poetic prose, musical, without rhyme and without rhythm, supple enough and rugged enough to adapt itself to the lyrical impulses of the soul, the undulations of the psyche, the prickings of consciousness?”
[~ Little Poems in Prose, Charles Baudelaire])


The days at times are shrouded 
in unremitting shades of gray.

Dark shadows obscure
the corners of my life.

MELANCHOLY is as a shroud
that allows only gray scales of color –
NEVER the rainbow
rues of LOVE, JOY, HOPE, BELONGING...

The edges of memories blur –
their shape and texture mute –
with a blink of the mind's eye –
they recede.

How strange it seems
they happened Just As Quick
in their Time.

Now replaying those moments
over-and-over,
thoughts drift through Barriers
 NOT even Time's Gate Keeper can Deny.

The vast darkness
 so dense at times, 
the light cannot invade the Expanse
WHERE ONLY SHADOWS DANCE!

[~dht-2011]


[PHOTO SOURCE:  GOOGLE online images]

Everyday Words - Everyday Thoughts

Your thoughts don't have words every day
They come a single time

Like signal esoteric sips
Of the communion Wine

Which while you taste so native seems
So easy so to be

You cannot comprehend its price
Nor its infrequency

[~ Emily Elizabeth Dickinson, Poem #1452]

***************
DEF: "esoteric" Adjective: Intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest.

***************

In this poem, my Maternal Cousin EMILY Elizabeth Dickinson (10 Dec 1830 - 15 May 1886), says to ME that there are NOT words enough to describe every feeling and emotion that float through my mind every day. Moreover, that the meaning of some thoughts is confusing to some who do not know my circumstance or me. In addition, some 'words' when said or written have a 'price' that is a toll paid by the author for their effect on the emotions and attitude of self and others.

EMILY did not follow the typical path of a woman of her time for she never married. She lived a solitary life in her parent's home taking care of the household and her parents during their lifetime and illness and after their deaths living alone in the homestead in Amherst, Massachusetts. She spent many hours in conjugating the mental processes and writing down some of her feelings and thoughts about her life, nature, faith, love, death, and other topics. In over 1700 poems and writings, that are known about, she recorded on paper by hand (no computers or MSWord) her thoughts in 'words'. Today she is considered a genius with the use of words, and there are college course, books, museums, and historical societies that are dedicated to reading her 'words' and analyzing each punctuation, phrase, topic, and nuance.

For myself, I believe EMILY'S 'words' and her poetry and writings can be best enjoyed when applied to my own life and experiences. In this way, I am internalizing her whispered words that murmur to my heart and that put a 'period' to my feelings and thoughts. Sometimes, I find that by reading something she has written, I am better able to gain clarity on a point in my life. Clarity helps remove the confusion and shadows that intrude and hinder the 'walk of life'. There are enough 'boulders' and 'rough seas' that make the journey difficult!

I am reminded of a time that a DEAR FRIEND helped me to reach clarity at a time, a couple of years ago, when I was baffled and confused. My friend listened to me describe my status and said that it sounded like I was experiencing DEEP GRIEF. This was a welcome realization and helped me put into perspective the many confusing feelings and thoughts that floated through my mind and heart and fell softly on to my wet cheeks. Grief is a personal process that no 'words' can explain, but 'words' in a Poem, a Prayer, or from a DEAR FRIEND can help the healing process through the solitary feelings from loss of loved ones.

[~ DOROTHY HAZEL TARR, dht-2011]


[PHOTO SOURCE; GOOGLE online images]

DREAMING – Soap Bubbles

(I wrote this today, 3 Jul 2011,  as I was thinking some introspective thoughts about life, time, and circumstance and the soap bubble seemed the perfect symbol to 'pair' them with. And, my Kindred Spirit "C" contributed this thought --  I just love these photos, so light and airy like thoughts that come and go.)

*** DREAMING  –  Soap Bubbles ***

WHERE has the time gone? How fast the years have come and gone!

The PRESENT has no more substance than SOAP BUBBLES blown from a soap bubbler (and as in this PIX).

TOMORROW is a dream, a promise, a hope for the nether.

I believed in my DREAM (fool that I am) and my heart sang with HAPPY thoughts.

Now, shadows intrude where the joy and sunlight have withdrawn.

Sometimes life takes a different course than what we plan or expect.

YES, I had been a DREAMER, full of hope and plans. NOW, such dreams are faded, never to be realized, and only live as wispy thoughts that float on the air as soap bubbles, and then burst.

In my mind, pictures flash of days long passed and flow over me in quick waves (NOT in any sequence of time).

I wish at times (all the time really) for a second chance with all I have learned--to turn back the clock, and ...

I cling to the GOOD pictures and try to push away the BAD pictures--but it seems they are one and the same.

HOW does that ole saying go? "You have to take the GOOD with the BAD." (or something like that)

SO, the soap bubbles drift -- each capturing a moment of time in my life, each a good and bad 'picture' of a time in my life.

Soap bubbles as transient as my next breath!
[dht-2011]
---------------

ALSO see YouTube video ---
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMengiVFlBg&feature=share

[PHOTO SOURCE: Google online images]

TWO SIDES OF A COIN

                             [PHOTO SOURCE: National Geographic online images]


***************

This Posting was a difficult one for me to 'post',  and I almost did NOT post it.  And then when I did post it, I ALMOST deleted it!!!   NOW, I feel REALLY GLAD that I overcame my "..." , for the comments proffered were very meaningfully to me personally! A special THANK YOU to my Kindred Spirit and Cousin for her comments, which I have posted below (near the end of this posting)!!!

SOME OF MY WORDS

Knowing something and feeling something deeply are two sides of a coin.

Some things that happen are so devastating that they eclipse everything else until healed.

Some things are so wonderful that it's hard to relinquish them.

Two different feelings.
Two different perspectives.

Both powerful responses in a different landscape.

Polar opposites—
sunset – sunrise
night – day
rain – shine
cold – heat
wet – dry
dying – living
death – birth
moonlight – sunlight
endings – beginnings
goings – comings
goodbye – hello
low – high
short – tall
ugly – beauty
old – youth
dull – sharp
sour – sweet
hate – love
down – up
far – near
left – right
east – west
north – south
false – true
fake – real
push – pull
passive – aggressive

JUST A TOSS OF A COIN!

[dht-2011]

***************

Here is what my Kindred Spirit and Cousin said about my words.

This reminded me of a quote: '"You can know the name of a bird in all the languages of the world, but when you're finished, you'll know absolutely nothing whatever about the bird... So let's look at the bird and see... what it's doing -- that's what counts. I learned very early the difference between knowing the name of something and knowing something." Richard Feynman, US educator & physicist (1918 - 1988)

‎'Polar opposites', the balances of life.
"Some things are so wonderful that it's hard to relinquish them" = parenthood.  Even though we remain parents after our child have left (as we want them to do), the longing for the child remains. Today's poem/reflection (to me) is all about family and especially about children and also about 'changes' that occur regardless of whether or not we want them.  The question is always:   Will we be able to adapt [to our life's changes]?  Or will the changes encompass us, drag us down and spit us out [a more weary, fragile, and wary person]?  Good points to ponder.

***************
In this offering: What do you notice about the words? Their meaning? Sentence structure? Pairing of Sentences? First word, middle, or last words of Sentences? What words could be substituted? What connection words added for clarity? What meaning of your own would you assign to these words, phrases, sentences?

--------------- OR, Why didn't you just say so! ---------------
What will today bring?
Are events and circumstance just a toss of the coin in one's life?
If there a choice, on which side of the coin will you live?


(COMMENTS ENCOURAGED and WELCOMED)

NATURE'S SECRETS

               [PHOTO SOURCE: National Geographic online images]

***************

SOME OF MY WORDS

WHAT sweet poetry of NATURE'S anthem

resides in this inhospitable shell

WHAT mental stream of consciousness

keynotes a monologue of regret

WHAT creature exists on Earth's plane

at the changing mercy of NATURE'S whimsy

WHAT awaits the searcher

at the gong of life's end clock

WHAT unanswered calls of yesterday

go unsaid today and forgotten tomorrow

WHAT new dawn foretells

of fortunes lost on yesterday dreams

WHAT spent passion wounds

there cauterized by heartache

WHAT layers yet to unfold

reveal repeating patterns of yesterday shadows

WHAT sweet NATURE does restore

the balance and chase away demons

WHAT instrument NATURE's brandish

doth level the sharpness of lingering regret

WHAT rich nectar of NATURE does sustain

through moments of despair with assurance all's well

[dht-2011]

***************

SOME WORDS OF MY KINDRED SPIRIT AND COUSIN

This is "sweet poetry" indeed!  The poem goes so well with the picture.  The thing that first caught my attention was the circular patterns in the photo and the poem seems to be of things 'coming around', changing, the "circle of life" (so to speak).  I would venture to say the above questions might be part of your creative process.  "... phantoms, demons, shadows await the explorer" to be sure, but adventure, beauty, and solitude also await.  Although the season is irrelevant (to me), I feel it is late Summer or early Fall ... and I am a "participant", i.e., it is me in the photo standing outside the tent - waiting for my companion to return (notice the two sleeping bags) and enjoy the perfect moment-in-time together.

***************

"OH MY WORD! YOU have such a poetic SOUL and NATURE! YOU 'see' what is only revealed by the inner heart! YOU are truly one of the NATURE'S BLESSED!! [dht-2011]

Twice BLESSED are ye who see the heart where time and 'stance masks!"

[dht-2011]

‎"Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing.”

[C. Pissarro]

***************

In this offering: What do you notice about the words? Their meaning? Sentence structure? Pairing of Sentences? First word, middle, or last words of Sentences? What words could be substituted? What connection words added for clarity? What meaning of your own would you assign to these words, phrases, sentences?

--------------- OR, Why didn't you just say so! ---------------

WHAT patterns do you see in this PIX?

WHAT mysteries of NATURE come to mind?

WHAT phantoms, demons, shadows await the explorer?

WHAT season is this?

WHAT time of day's cycle?

WHAT abode? Permanent? Temporal?

WHAT are you? Participant? Observer? Advisor? Companion? Uninvolved? Disinterested?

Don't give a 'hoot' or 'whistle'?

JUST an interesting PIX and some jumble of syllables?

---------------

Penguin -- Another Day, Another Nature

                         [PHOTO SOURCE: National Geographic online images]

***************

 

SOME OF MY FAV QUOTES

My grandmother used to say, “If you can't change something, change the way you think about it."

[-Maya Angelou]

**"GRAMs always 'know' best!"  [dht-2011]  **

 

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

[-Maria Robinson]
 

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

[-unknown]

“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” 

[-Flora Whittemore]

“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.” 

[-Keri Russell]

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”

[-Pericles]

“There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction.”

[-Winston Churchill {Sir Winston Leonard Spencer -Churchill, KG, OM, CH, TD, PC, DL, FRS (30 Nov 1874 – 24 Jan 1965) was a British politician and statesman} (my Maternal Cousin, THAT's right!) ]

“Life can either be accepted or changed.  If it is not accepted, it must be changed.  If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.”  [-unknown]

“You've changed so much.  I guess that's what happens.  I wish you knew how much you changed me.  I wonder if I changed you, if your life is different because of me.  Because mine's different."

[-unknown]

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” 

[-Reinhold Niebuhr]

“Change is the essence of life.  Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”  [-unknown]

“Everything in life is connected somehow.  You may have to dig deep to find it but it's there.  Everything is the same even though it's different.  Somehow, everything connects back with your life.  The faces in certain places may be different, but the situation is the same.  Irony is a hidden factor that creeps around us in life, letting its presence felt only after it has left.  Picture back to a year ago and the situations you were in.  Look at how things are different yet somehow everything is still in some way cognate [alike].  Everything connects together to form the balance of life, to maintain structure.  Change is and always will be inevitable, but everything is relative, and all the moments and times in your life will come back around again, you just might find yourself on the other side of the coin.  Things are always changing, as fast as everything stays the same.”

[-unknown]

“Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret, and depression.  Do not repeat them in the future.”

[-Swami Sivananda]
 

“Life is change.  Growth is optional.  Choose wisely.”  [-unknown]

“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love.  It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”

[-William Somerset Maugham]

“It is always the simple things that change our lives.  And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen.  Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so.  You feel like running, but life is on a stroll.  This is how God does things.” 

[-Donald Miller]

 

***************

SOME OF MY WORDS
 

TODAY, 26 Feb 2011, was a life-changing day for me.  So I am posting these sayings that seem to 'fit' my new perspective with a photo that seems to pair with the 'new' !!!!

MY FAV saying and the one that most 'fits' me today is the last quote by Donald Miller!

 

THE PHOTO illustrates to ME in its imagery ---

ALTHOUGH I may look different on the outside while among you, IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY, you will see how much we are the same—IF YOU TAKE THE 'TIME' TO LOOK CLOSELY!

[dht-2011]
 

***************  

DAY'S VENUE

                      [PHOTO SOURCE: National Geographic online images]

***************

WHERE goes the day

Down yesternight's passage

How blind today's privilege

Lost fast in yesterday's grasp

Tomorrow's dream a pledge

Whence nature's precedence assures

Breast expanse upon deep breath

While shallow essence sums life's interval

What key holds true for grantor's trust

Whilst surety and worth stand anon
 

Time bespoke metered sameness

Whose vowel foretold spoiled fortune

Ribbons linger as fragments

Where once whole, a heart full

Shattered spectrum of hopes

Cast away on ocean's tears

Love's gamble played and lost

Age of regret the debt

Once concealed by life's chains

Now released by nature's bail

What hostage behind the threshold

Where compromise affords release

What sound the closing door

What venue the open window

What knock insures a beggars entrance

What token barters the price

[DOROTHY HAZEL TARR, dht-2011]

***************

In this offering:

What do you notice about the words? Their meaning? Punctuation? Sentence structure? Pairing of Sentences? First word, middle, or last words of Sentences? What words could be substituted? What connection words added for clarity? What meaning of your own would you assign to these words, phrases, sentences?

--------------- OR, Why didn't you just say so! ---------------

Today is just a memory that has passed into yesterday.

Thoughts of yesterday blind you to the beauty of today.

Tomorrow is a new beginning as sure as the sun will rise.

Now the lungs expands, as if you had been living with too little air for a long time, where before your breaths were shallow and the pain too great for deep breathing.

What is the secret to giving your trust to another, while other(s) do nothing to earn and secure your trust?

The rest of your life will be nothing but more of the same ... misfortune.

The ones you LOVED the most in this world, have all cut away a piece of your heart, until all is left are tattered ribbons of melancholy and despair.

A bright future so full of a kaleidoscope of hopes lays shattered, lost and washed away with oceans of tears.

It may be better for some to LOVE and LOSE, than never to LOVE at all; but what price must be paid and for what duration.

The years of aching emptiness and pain are camouflaged in life's daily routine, but soon there will be an end to the pain as nature ends its hold to death's surrender.

Where are the words of forgiveness and compromise that release pain's grip on a broken heart?

The silence of the closing door confuses the opening of a window; as the lack of plain speaking confuses the path to understanding.

What will it cost the one who knocks; and what more must the one who knocks surrender?

[DOROTHY HAZEL TARR, dht-2011]

***************

PHOTO CAPTION -- or just a few words to go with the PIX.

It is astonishing how a few short phrases pierce the gray of your world with a single beam of light. [DOROTHY HAZEL TARR, dht-2011]

 WINDOW DREAMs

How sharp the contrast between

the heart's abode now worn with time's despair

and

the gaping mawe of fate with

its distant vistas casting new shades of meaning

on another world (another life, another time, another place)

filled with vibrant colors, sweet breaths, soft gentle breezes,

and LOVE's warm embrace.

[DOROTHY HAZEL TARR, dht-2011] 

***************