INVISIBLE HANDS

(9 NOV 2011 -  The tears in my eyes are NOT really from sadness, but rather from Nostalgia, as I look in the back view mirror again at all that has passed and will never come again. dht) 

As I walk in the twilight of my Life, it seems as though the past somehow reaches out to me – holding me captive in time – with Invisible Hands.

Memories flood my senses and mist clouds my vision – my surroundings are muted as heartfelt images of bygone days fill my eyes.

Remembering people, places, and events and wishing they had not changed, died, or passed so quickly – OH, Nostalgia's Bittersweet Sting.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

[Photo Source: Photos of a Family and Lost Love]

World Within Words – Unraveled

(I wrote this tangle, 24 Aug 2011, while trying to order my thoughts and realizing there are so-o many mysteries in Life's vast Realm that can never be understood, from the hollow pledges of others to the strange 'ports of call in the waters along our Life's Journey'. One thing is constant, though, and that's the 'last port' is the same for all. [dht-2011])

*** World Within Words – Unraveled ***

Day's Mysteries an intricate knot,
Whence attempts to unravel,
Prevail ere unresolved eclipse,
Whence nag Troubled Heart,

Whether confidences of Others,
Shared kindnesses of Kindred Spirits,
Whether hollow pledge spoken,
Or pledge rendered as token,

We yet go forth our Ports of Call,
Whence the Herald's Call,
We know the Tune,
Whence Journey's End looms.
[dht-2011]

[PHOTO SOURCE: GOOGLE online images]

FOOTPRINTS ON MY HEART

(I wrote this, 21 Aug 2011, thinking how the treasures of my memories anchor me in the present, while at times impeding my Day's Journey. Living in the shadows of my past, haunting Dreams of Love, family, home, and passion, flee, leaving only their FOOTPRINTS ON MY HEART.)

*** FOOTPRINTS ON MY HEART ***

Thoughts adrift on Evening's Chill,
Senses teased by memories old.

Each breath increases awareness of environs,
Suggestive of a different path,
Echoes of Future's beckon.

Yet bonds of yesterday hold ransom,
Hampering fleeing memories.

Pains and fears awash the mind,
Whispers of the past surface,
Beneath the shifting sands of Time's Journey.

Abiding sadness permeates Day's Path,
Regrets a constant companion
[dht-2011]

[PHOTO SOURCE: Cousin L. J. Scott, edited]

Everyday Words - Everyday Thoughts

Your thoughts don't have words every day
They come a single time

Like signal esoteric sips
Of the communion Wine

Which while you taste so native seems
So easy so to be

You cannot comprehend its price
Nor its infrequency

[~ Emily Elizabeth Dickinson, Poem #1452]

***************
DEF: "esoteric" Adjective: Intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest.

***************

In this poem, my Maternal Cousin EMILY Elizabeth Dickinson (10 Dec 1830 - 15 May 1886), says to ME that there are NOT words enough to describe every feeling and emotion that float through my mind every day. Moreover, that the meaning of some thoughts is confusing to some who do not know my circumstance or me. In addition, some 'words' when said or written have a 'price' that is a toll paid by the author for their effect on the emotions and attitude of self and others.

EMILY did not follow the typical path of a woman of her time for she never married. She lived a solitary life in her parent's home taking care of the household and her parents during their lifetime and illness and after their deaths living alone in the homestead in Amherst, Massachusetts. She spent many hours in conjugating the mental processes and writing down some of her feelings and thoughts about her life, nature, faith, love, death, and other topics. In over 1700 poems and writings, that are known about, she recorded on paper by hand (no computers or MSWord) her thoughts in 'words'. Today she is considered a genius with the use of words, and there are college course, books, museums, and historical societies that are dedicated to reading her 'words' and analyzing each punctuation, phrase, topic, and nuance.

For myself, I believe EMILY'S 'words' and her poetry and writings can be best enjoyed when applied to my own life and experiences. In this way, I am internalizing her whispered words that murmur to my heart and that put a 'period' to my feelings and thoughts. Sometimes, I find that by reading something she has written, I am better able to gain clarity on a point in my life. Clarity helps remove the confusion and shadows that intrude and hinder the 'walk of life'. There are enough 'boulders' and 'rough seas' that make the journey difficult!

I am reminded of a time that a DEAR FRIEND helped me to reach clarity at a time, a couple of years ago, when I was baffled and confused. My friend listened to me describe my status and said that it sounded like I was experiencing DEEP GRIEF. This was a welcome realization and helped me put into perspective the many confusing feelings and thoughts that floated through my mind and heart and fell softly on to my wet cheeks. Grief is a personal process that no 'words' can explain, but 'words' in a Poem, a Prayer, or from a DEAR FRIEND can help the healing process through the solitary feelings from loss of loved ones.

[~ DOROTHY HAZEL TARR, dht-2011]


[PHOTO SOURCE; GOOGLE online images]

BITTERSWEET ABSENCE

                                [Photo Source: Google online image]
 

Their absence in my Life is a Bittersweet ache still – that throbs in the back of my Heart, whenever I think of them which is often – but actually all the time!

After all, when I left in 1978 at age 32, they had been my Family – my Loves – for more than half my Life!  He was age 36 and our child age 14  - we were so young to be living in a Family without Love!

Now, at age 65, I still feel the pain of separation – the void where once Family existed and Never would be again in my Life!

However, there were no other options back then, and the pain of "Family" was killing my spirit and body with the sickness of neglect, betrayal, lies, and Lost Love!

The Loss – ever fresh – in my Heart and mind – has Never healed!

Some deep wounds Never do – such as in my case!

Sad and puzzling – really – for there was NO Loss for them – they went on with their Lives – without me – as if I NEVER was there at all, or ever had been!

No wonder then, why I was dying a slow death, day by day, when I resided under the same roof with Them!

The Pain was so BAD – I was seeing two doctors and taking medicine to dull the emotional pain and trauma!

They were killing me slowly!

Moreover, They still are – in their Bittersweet Absence from my Life!

(Submitted by: Dorothy Hazel Tarr)