A MOURNING

[Photo Source: Google internet images]

(8 June 2012 – There are no Rules for Grief, no Timeline for Mourning, and no Rules of Etiquette for Bereavement.  My own Mourning began in 1962 and leaves its brush strokes of Grief on the canvas that is my Heart.  dht)

 

The images in my head are of memories – liken to distant dreams – that sadden my Heart, mute my voice, and dampen my cheeks.

Soft voices murmur whispers of remembered times spent with those loved – yet lost in the Past.

Those precious few memories reside now in the cemetery of my Heart. 

My Life's Journey has become a Story of woe and sorrow.

Each Day is a wake – a funeral – celebrating the hallowed Past. 

The Present offers only numbness and regret – A Mourning of those loved and lost.

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr]

THE SISTERHOOD

[Photos  L-to-R: Dorothy Hazel Tarr and younger sister Betty Lucille Tarr]

(20 DEC 2011 – Time cures all ills and heals all wounds – so say many quotations.  Forgiveness is a blessing one bestows on oneself.  Shame me once, Shame on me – Shame me more than once, Shame on you.  Enough is enough – I've had enough.  It's time to move on and let the past fall away with all the hatred.  The only way it seems to let it "go", is to let you "go" too.  Therefore, I release you from this day from any familial connection to me.  dht)

 I remember you, little Sister, as a little girl, but now I feel that we are strangers with little to nothing in common - but our DNA.  I know I won't hurt your feelings as I say this with complete honesty – you have forfeited your 'sisterhood' and 'familial ties' !!   Dredging up the past only brings painful memories back, and when I see your photos, hear your voice (so like my own), I'm reminded of how deep your betrayal in ALL THINGS!!

[Dorothy Hazel Tarr – 2011]

The Fabric of our Ever Changing Lives

(I wrote this thinking of the many ways our lives unfold and SOAR with moments of joy that may be misspent or missed altogether, and seen only as reflections through OTHER'S expressions and experiences. Seems SOME are lost to us, yet we spend our Life searching and wondering how the pattern was set before we knew how to set a stitch. How now to gladden a sorrow and sooth a loss?)
 
Woven of woe and joy,
Designs unique to each life,
Whole united to enjoy.
Each joy a trio of good, two bad.

First New, Warm and Rich,
Then Carrion, Cool and Poor,
First ASCENDING light as a BUBBLE,
Then BURST in Winter's SILENCE.

Simple pleasures bright in our Spring,
Soar in Summer with delight,
Shallow humbly in Fall, and
Shadow in Winter's Solace.

When the wildflowers wilt,
And angels visit,
Regret and Grief,
Stitch the final binding.

[dht-2011]

[PHOTO SOURCE: GOOGLE online images]

Everyday Words - Everyday Thoughts

Your thoughts don't have words every day
They come a single time

Like signal esoteric sips
Of the communion Wine

Which while you taste so native seems
So easy so to be

You cannot comprehend its price
Nor its infrequency

[~ Emily Elizabeth Dickinson, Poem #1452]

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DEF: "esoteric" Adjective: Intended for or likely to be understood by only a small number of people with a specialized knowledge or interest.

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In this poem, my Maternal Cousin EMILY Elizabeth Dickinson (10 Dec 1830 - 15 May 1886), says to ME that there are NOT words enough to describe every feeling and emotion that float through my mind every day. Moreover, that the meaning of some thoughts is confusing to some who do not know my circumstance or me. In addition, some 'words' when said or written have a 'price' that is a toll paid by the author for their effect on the emotions and attitude of self and others.

EMILY did not follow the typical path of a woman of her time for she never married. She lived a solitary life in her parent's home taking care of the household and her parents during their lifetime and illness and after their deaths living alone in the homestead in Amherst, Massachusetts. She spent many hours in conjugating the mental processes and writing down some of her feelings and thoughts about her life, nature, faith, love, death, and other topics. In over 1700 poems and writings, that are known about, she recorded on paper by hand (no computers or MSWord) her thoughts in 'words'. Today she is considered a genius with the use of words, and there are college course, books, museums, and historical societies that are dedicated to reading her 'words' and analyzing each punctuation, phrase, topic, and nuance.

For myself, I believe EMILY'S 'words' and her poetry and writings can be best enjoyed when applied to my own life and experiences. In this way, I am internalizing her whispered words that murmur to my heart and that put a 'period' to my feelings and thoughts. Sometimes, I find that by reading something she has written, I am better able to gain clarity on a point in my life. Clarity helps remove the confusion and shadows that intrude and hinder the 'walk of life'. There are enough 'boulders' and 'rough seas' that make the journey difficult!

I am reminded of a time that a DEAR FRIEND helped me to reach clarity at a time, a couple of years ago, when I was baffled and confused. My friend listened to me describe my status and said that it sounded like I was experiencing DEEP GRIEF. This was a welcome realization and helped me put into perspective the many confusing feelings and thoughts that floated through my mind and heart and fell softly on to my wet cheeks. Grief is a personal process that no 'words' can explain, but 'words' in a Poem, a Prayer, or from a DEAR FRIEND can help the healing process through the solitary feelings from loss of loved ones.

[~ DOROTHY HAZEL TARR, dht-2011]


[PHOTO SOURCE; GOOGLE online images]

Penguin -- Another Day, Another Nature

                         [PHOTO SOURCE: National Geographic online images]

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SOME OF MY FAV QUOTES

My grandmother used to say, “If you can't change something, change the way you think about it."

[-Maya Angelou]

**"GRAMs always 'know' best!"  [dht-2011]  **

 

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

[-Maria Robinson]
 

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

[-unknown]

“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” 

[-Flora Whittemore]

“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.” 

[-Keri Russell]

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”

[-Pericles]

“There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction.”

[-Winston Churchill {Sir Winston Leonard Spencer -Churchill, KG, OM, CH, TD, PC, DL, FRS (30 Nov 1874 – 24 Jan 1965) was a British politician and statesman} (my Maternal Cousin, THAT's right!) ]

“Life can either be accepted or changed.  If it is not accepted, it must be changed.  If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.”  [-unknown]

“You've changed so much.  I guess that's what happens.  I wish you knew how much you changed me.  I wonder if I changed you, if your life is different because of me.  Because mine's different."

[-unknown]

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” 

[-Reinhold Niebuhr]

“Change is the essence of life.  Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”  [-unknown]

“Everything in life is connected somehow.  You may have to dig deep to find it but it's there.  Everything is the same even though it's different.  Somehow, everything connects back with your life.  The faces in certain places may be different, but the situation is the same.  Irony is a hidden factor that creeps around us in life, letting its presence felt only after it has left.  Picture back to a year ago and the situations you were in.  Look at how things are different yet somehow everything is still in some way cognate [alike].  Everything connects together to form the balance of life, to maintain structure.  Change is and always will be inevitable, but everything is relative, and all the moments and times in your life will come back around again, you just might find yourself on the other side of the coin.  Things are always changing, as fast as everything stays the same.”

[-unknown]

“Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret, and depression.  Do not repeat them in the future.”

[-Swami Sivananda]
 

“Life is change.  Growth is optional.  Choose wisely.”  [-unknown]

“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love.  It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”

[-William Somerset Maugham]

“It is always the simple things that change our lives.  And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen.  Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so.  You feel like running, but life is on a stroll.  This is how God does things.” 

[-Donald Miller]

 

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SOME OF MY WORDS
 

TODAY, 26 Feb 2011, was a life-changing day for me.  So I am posting these sayings that seem to 'fit' my new perspective with a photo that seems to pair with the 'new' !!!!

MY FAV saying and the one that most 'fits' me today is the last quote by Donald Miller!

 

THE PHOTO illustrates to ME in its imagery ---

ALTHOUGH I may look different on the outside while among you, IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY, you will see how much we are the same—IF YOU TAKE THE 'TIME' TO LOOK CLOSELY!

[dht-2011]
 

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DAY'S VENUE

                      [PHOTO SOURCE: National Geographic online images]

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WHERE goes the day

Down yesternight's passage

How blind today's privilege

Lost fast in yesterday's grasp

Tomorrow's dream a pledge

Whence nature's precedence assures

Breast expanse upon deep breath

While shallow essence sums life's interval

What key holds true for grantor's trust

Whilst surety and worth stand anon
 

Time bespoke metered sameness

Whose vowel foretold spoiled fortune

Ribbons linger as fragments

Where once whole, a heart full

Shattered spectrum of hopes

Cast away on ocean's tears

Love's gamble played and lost

Age of regret the debt

Once concealed by life's chains

Now released by nature's bail

What hostage behind the threshold

Where compromise affords release

What sound the closing door

What venue the open window

What knock insures a beggars entrance

What token barters the price

[DOROTHY HAZEL TARR, dht-2011]

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In this offering:

What do you notice about the words? Their meaning? Punctuation? Sentence structure? Pairing of Sentences? First word, middle, or last words of Sentences? What words could be substituted? What connection words added for clarity? What meaning of your own would you assign to these words, phrases, sentences?

--------------- OR, Why didn't you just say so! ---------------

Today is just a memory that has passed into yesterday.

Thoughts of yesterday blind you to the beauty of today.

Tomorrow is a new beginning as sure as the sun will rise.

Now the lungs expands, as if you had been living with too little air for a long time, where before your breaths were shallow and the pain too great for deep breathing.

What is the secret to giving your trust to another, while other(s) do nothing to earn and secure your trust?

The rest of your life will be nothing but more of the same ... misfortune.

The ones you LOVED the most in this world, have all cut away a piece of your heart, until all is left are tattered ribbons of melancholy and despair.

A bright future so full of a kaleidoscope of hopes lays shattered, lost and washed away with oceans of tears.

It may be better for some to LOVE and LOSE, than never to LOVE at all; but what price must be paid and for what duration.

The years of aching emptiness and pain are camouflaged in life's daily routine, but soon there will be an end to the pain as nature ends its hold to death's surrender.

Where are the words of forgiveness and compromise that release pain's grip on a broken heart?

The silence of the closing door confuses the opening of a window; as the lack of plain speaking confuses the path to understanding.

What will it cost the one who knocks; and what more must the one who knocks surrender?

[DOROTHY HAZEL TARR, dht-2011]

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PHOTO CAPTION -- or just a few words to go with the PIX.

It is astonishing how a few short phrases pierce the gray of your world with a single beam of light. [DOROTHY HAZEL TARR, dht-2011]

 WINDOW DREAMs

How sharp the contrast between

the heart's abode now worn with time's despair

and

the gaping mawe of fate with

its distant vistas casting new shades of meaning

on another world (another life, another time, another place)

filled with vibrant colors, sweet breaths, soft gentle breezes,

and LOVE's warm embrace.

[DOROTHY HAZEL TARR, dht-2011] 

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